As I learned by chance with my misstep by email with Marguerite, sometimes disagreement is exactly what the other person wants you to do – as long as you do it with respect and empathy. Do not equate disunity with annoyance. When I talk to people who are afraid of conflict, and I wonder why they are hesitant to disagree, most of the time I hear, “I don`t want to hurt their feelings” or “I don`t want to be a jolt.” Yes, there are people who really don`t want to agree with (uncertain managers, for example), but most people are open to a different perspective if you share them with thought and respect. Ask yourself: Is there really a risk of hurting your co-worker`s feelings or thinking you`re a jolt? Or are you projecting your own discomfort? If the goal wins, you will have opened the door to a power struggle, and the one who is stronger, stronger, or has more power will probably prevail. This is a particular problem when it comes to difficult discussions between parents and adolescents or between teachers and adolescents, because the adult in the situation almost always starts in a position of power, whether they recognize it or not. And if you`re faced with a power difference, it`s a sure bet that there will be conflicts rather than disagreements. The person who is disadvantaged will always have that delicate fear in mind that what they say ultimately does not matter because he or she does not have enough influence. You may also be afraid of being totally honest because of the potential impact. Are they grounded? Did you take your phone or car privileges? On probation or suspended? Why rely on mediation and not your authority? Rather, their colleagues own the decision and follow with it when they are involved in doing so. If you dictate what they should do, they will not have learned anything about conflict resolution themselves.
On the contrary, they will have become more dependent on you to discover their differences for them. Resources such as money are often at the root of conflict. With silver crunches keeps your mood very curious and your patience at that time remains at a very low level. The first indication that you are setting yourself up for a conflict with your spouse is how you feel. If you are angry in an interaction with your spouse, you have an obligation to blame him, for example.B. “I`m angry because you`re not doing your fair share of homework.” In this situation, something your spouse did (or did not do) “caused” you to get angry with him. You think it`s normal for you to feel angry with her. The sources of information are often different. Your source of information may be different from the other person`s. And this often creates different points of view. That is how there can be a disagreement.
The factual argument is interesting. The two colleagues may have been in the same scene, but everyone remembers it differently. Both believe that the conflict would be over if they could only convince you and your colleagues of their point of view on the facts. The problem is that even if you had been there, try counterproductively to convince others of your point of view, because without credible new information, they probably won`t change their minds about what happened. The best way to conclude this trap is to accept a disagreement and continue. If you first meet separately with them, you are not focusing on how to resolve the conflict, but on understanding disagreements and convincing everyone that you are willing to listen and understand your concerns.